he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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