i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
