I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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