I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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