quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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