k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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