I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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