I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
