end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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