If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
