you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
