Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
