see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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