walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
