just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Randomize
