so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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