I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
