I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
