I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Randomize
