I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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