The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
