Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
