it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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