How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
