i wish my penis had a tongue
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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