6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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