I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
