While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
