I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize