I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
