i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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