So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
