your thong is hanging out like whoa
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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