I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
i think im in europe. pls send help
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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