was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The feeling are messing with the penis
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize