Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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