You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
