For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
