you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
