there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
