Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
