Nicole vs. Life
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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