she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
