Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize