im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
