I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
