My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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