i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
So apparently I’m into choking now
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
