he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
