There is no way he is gay with that hair.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
