OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
