Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
