Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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