Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
