East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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