Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
