I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
