So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
