my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
