Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He passed out mid-signature
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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