i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
