Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
