Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
