Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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