You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
